Thursday night was witness to the second wrestling match between beers sold in Romania. In one corner, we had the venerable Bürger (from giantcorp European Foods) and in the other was Bucegi (from megabrewer Brau Union). Once again, the fans lined up to witness the carnage of head-to-head action.

After the opening announcements, both spartans trotted out onto the field. Bucegi wore a traditional galben uniform but Bürger was dressed to impress with enough gold to be a manele singer. To determine the order of play, the two teams were called to the center of the field so Spammy could administer the bottlecap toss (being as there was no coin available).

The first half was a lesson in confusion. Despite the difference in exterior appearance, the style and flavor of the playing styles was nearly interchangeable and officials had a very difficult time in distinguishing any remarkable difference between contestants. Movement flowed back and forth as each bottle poured forth its best effort, but neither team managed to score a goal during the half (though if they had, judges probably wouldn’t have even been sure which one it was).

Although the ball did float back and forth across the green, most ticket purchasers were probably more entertained by the halftime show which featured the ever spectacular B! Machine performing such hits like Greed (thanks to Amazon) among other to-die-for masterpiece classics of synthpop electronica. Pundits speculated the tunes were loud enough to waft a bit down the dusty hallways of certain cartier blocs. No doubt this pleased everyone with the ability to hear.

To open the second half, Spammy was recruited to personally over see the cold-pour strategies of each team as they slipped into frozen beer mugs in hopes of rectifying the scoreless first half. After verifying that each beer’s head foam was of sufficient quality, the plastic to mouth action unfolded in sips and gulps.

A subtle pattern began to emerge where it became clear that Bugeci had a slightly sweeter playing style against the Bürger hop. The drama continued to unfold in a complex exchange of swallows, but neither side had a noticeable advantage in either pricing or alcohol percentage. Without any particularly brilliant individual plays, the crowds became restless and the BraşoDome slowly began to empty as adrenaline-addicted, disappointed fans could avoid being overly bored.

At the final buzzer, with condensation sweat dripping down the various bottles the ultimate verdict is that while both beers were drinkable, neither of them had the chutzpah or special schtick to overcome the other. So, the face off ended in a draw.

Final score: Bucegi 0 - Bürger 0

Let’s get ready to ruuummmmmble!

It was an exciting moment in Romerican history as the sticla caps popped open to sound the very first match of Bere Mondial held at the BraşoDome stadium just after the midday rain subsided and the sun illuminated the way to golden competition.

Outside the main gates, fans showed their team spirit wearing official jerseys and hats as they lined up outside the gates eagerly waving their tickets without a single incident of pre-game violence.

Hailing all the way from Miercurea Ciuc, international superstar Csiki Andy took a break from Csikszereda Musings to help officiate the inaugural match. His presence as a respected beer expert from the land were Ciuc is made helped to quell whispers of possible home team favoritism on the part of judges. Conspiracy theories were washed away as Andy personally oversaw the opening kick-off where Ciucaş obtained first sip.

The two teams battled valiantly back and forth, racing across the field and tantalizing the crowd with a pouring of talent. Ooohs and Awwws were visible in the eyes of all attendees. While neither team was able to take advantage of pricing strategies or innate alcohol content, the outcome was foreshadowed when Ciucaş received a yellow card from the out-of-town judge on an apparent technicality of unsportsmanlike tastebuddery.

Without instant replay, fans were left to wrestle over the legitimacy of a potentially cloudy aftertaste supposedly left by Ciucaş. Ciuc took advantage of the emotional swing to headbutt a round mound into the opposing net and take an early lead. GOAL!

The BraşoDome’s retractable roof stayed open for the first half of the competition bathing officials and spectators alike in the glorious gara sunshine. Even the Roma beggars seemed highly intrigued by the spectacle and came over to gawk at the foreign experts and chatter endlessly about something called bani.

At halftime, Andy took the opportunity to head back to Miercurea Ciuc and report on his findings. Officials closed the BraşoDome roof as an indoor environment for the remainder of the event. To rev up the crowds, the electronica synthpop musical stylings of Mesh played rather loudly over the sound system (and no doubt thrilled the neighbors) as the mascots from both Ciuc and Ciucaş cooperated in a live stage performance of costumes and cold foam.

The dual raged on as play resumed between the two teams who each won a medal in the 1993 Berar. With a combination of sheer grit and determination, the local team used their respectably decent taste to set up a cornerkick that bounced off an errant knee and dribbled between the legs of the Ciuc defender. GOAL!

Fans on both sides began to bicker about which team was more likely to have stolen the Chooky name of the other, but no definitive conclusion was reached by the rowdy mobs. As the hands of the clock were increasingly approaching the buzzer, it started to become apparent that despite Ciucaş best efforts, the boys from Ciuc were gaining the upperhand.

Just minutes before time was called, the whitecastle fans broke into rapturous cheers that shook the BraşoDome when a high kick, powered by the superbly clean taste of Ciuc, sailed over the reach of the Ciucaş goalie. GOAL!

Indeed, all the supporters of various teams sat on the edge of their seats completely enthralled as Ciucaş worked back up the field in the direction of the Ciuc net in a brilliant display of downbutnotoutism! The Ciuc defenders continued their strategy of crispiness to deter the otherwise reasonably tasty effort of Ciucaş. Ultimately, judges blew the whistle and pronounced that Ciuc had simply beaten cerbul de la munte in a clean and fair fight.

Final score: Ciuc 2 - Ciucaş 1

A day late and a hard drive short, the Planning Committee stumbled forth in a stupor to finally release the Official Schedule, after celebrating the opening game between Cuic and Cuicaş (highlights coming up next). This is no ordinary excuse to drink beer, folks! You really think you could do it? Strap on your thinking caps and let’s take a look at the serious nature of the underlying stats here.

The sheer magnitude is mindboggling. What we’re looking at is an elite panel of experts carefully judging 72 individual performances of 24 teams over a grueling 36 matches amazingly coordinated in under 30 days. No mere mortal could possible think of attempting such a feat without proper training and years of experience.

And that’s just the qualifying round!

After that, our staff will sacrifice their very sanity to officiate the 12 most potent teams as they assail the cranium with 30 more individual performances in a tour de force of 15 matches during the playoff tournament to determine who will reign as the mighty champion of Campionatul Mondial de Bere in Romania 2006!

Once you do the math, Poindexter, ask yourself if you could you drink an estimated 200-250 bottles of beers in 6 weeks just to satisfy the demands of your readership?

Recognize.

Wouldn’t you know it… as much as I would like to avoid telling you how the sausage is made here at Romerican, there’s a need. I’m having a hard drive failure on the primary editorial machine which will require a transplant. Such a crime.

Meanwhile, the opening games for Mondial Bere are already underway and we’ll have updates as soon as possible. The opening round from Group D has me a little verklempt; talk amongst yourself (no registration required).

Stay tuned.

In a rare display of incompetency, the Organizing Committee for Campionatul Mondial de Bere was delayed in holding the press conference to announce the 2006 Official Groupings. Fortunately, a media frenzy was on hand to capture the belated proclamation as it arrived a sennight late.

“Yes, yes. You in the front row with the orange bandana and fuzzy rabbit slippers,” began committee chairman Pokey McDawdle as the camera flashes blinded everyone in the room, including Stevie Wonder.

Most of the questions revolved around the selection process, the venues and schedule, the field rules during competition, and how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. Bobbing and weaving from the vicious blows of reporters’ microphones like a bad actress in a highly overrated Eastwood film, longtime committee member Ali Schtittgotdun managed to say much of nothing which clearly revealed her Tony Snow training.

“We have developed a more-or-less flexibly stringent set of relative criteria by which most of the judging will probably make some generalish comparisons in order to likely apply a sort of standard-based type approach like thing. Or whatever,” fumbled Schtittgotdun. “And we did take into account many of the public and private comments we received during the initial phases. In particular, we gave consideration to the notion of grouping some of the darker beers together in a battle royale of brunas because of their similarity in composition, but ultimately the democracy of the Organizing Committee decided to spread these teams out much like the FIFA Phonies attempt to not group by geographic proximity. ”

“Furthermore, while the spirit of the competition would normally indicate a leaning toward solely Romanian beer participation, there were many teams which just did not find sponsorships and were unable to compete. Obviously, the large gaps needed to be covered up via conspiracy. Hence, the Warren Commission… er, that is to say, our spin committee recognized this stereotypical Romanian lethargy and thought it would be appropriate to invite common European players into the tournament to better reflect the half-baked theory that Romania is going to have to increasingly compete against EU companies who bring their wares to this market, even if those same Romanian companies are completely apathetic about expanding into markets outside territorial borders. Ultimately, it’s a bit like a microcosm of the actual Romanian marketplace.”

Afterward, there was a fascinating cocktail reception with those little wieners on crackers.

“Correct; the rumors you’ve heard are true. We have completed the official competition schedule which will be issued tomorrow at this same bat time on this same bat channel,” stated McDawdle when cornered by the watercooler in the aisle behind the gaudy Romerican banner sagging from the ceiling. “Of course, the general public will be excited to know the first match up to be played will be Bucegi versus Bürger in Braşov. Heh, you can bet that I’ve wagered my entire paycheck on B…. hey… HEY! Is that video camera on?!”

There you have it, folks! A true B-2-B opener in this much anticipated cage fight of beeric proportions. Place your bets today!