Mark, client service executive: Listen up, people. Our client, Burger King Corp., asked us to create an innovative campaign for their Whoppers, a campaign that should reflect the multicultural, multiracial background of its customer base in a positive, respectful, inclusive way and communicate the notion that the Whopper is everyone’s burger of choice, regardless of brand awareness or customer loyalty.

Chuck, copywriter: How about a comparison between the Whopper and the Big Mac? You know, something like Pepsi did back in the ’90s, with the chimps that go bananas after having drunk a glass of Pepsi versus the Coca-Cola chimps that minimally improved their performance.

Mark: Not bad, Chuck, but it’s been done before, so how could we knock it up a notch?

Chuck: Well, we could use people instead of chimps, you know, not real people like you and me, but an intermediary species between the chimps and us, like tribesmen from Africa or something, who are on a different level on the evolution ladder and have never watched TV, seen a commercial or tasted a Whopper. We could call them Whopper Virgins or something along these lines.

Mark: That’s a brilliant idea, Chuck. The only problem is that we cannot use Africans because the family of the current U.S. President is from Africa and we don’t want people to think we’re endorsing the Republican Party. Besides, the Burger King’s target customers are precisely the low-income groups, who are mostly black or Latino, like the Burger King employees for that matter, so we’d better not stir up racial controversies.

Chuck: Then Asians – Chinks, Pakis…

Mark: C’mon guys, the average American uses computers and other consumer electronics made in China and India, so the idea that people in these countries have never seen a fast-food commercial or eaten a burger is just ludicrous. Moreover, if Burger King ever decides to air this commercial in Britain, the portrayal of Indians as backward twats might remind the viewers of the British colonial legacy and we want to avoid any negative overtones.

Chuck: Maybe Arabs, wandering in the desert on camels in search of a drop of water and a Whopper?

Mark: We don’t want our enemies to think we’re fighting the War on Terror with burgers, Chuck. We’re not looking for Whoppers of Mass Destruction here.

Chuck: Man, if we’re so afraid that somebody might get offended, then who else can we show in this damn commercial? Eskimos?

Mark: Now we’re talking. But we should make clear these Eskimos are not from Canada, because we don’t want to call our neighbours “backward”. They’re the only neighbours we’ve got. Except for the Mexicans. OK, so we’ve got Eskimos from… Greenland! Who else?

Stacey, art director: May I suggest we use demographics that are not easily identifiable with the North-American public?

Mark: Such as…?

Stacey: Jungle natives from Thailand, for instance. Thailand has never been a colony, so we cannot be accused of imperialism or colonial nostalgia. Plus, many Americans visit the country for its unspoiled landscapes and virgin beaches, so Thailand already has this image of a place untouched by the comforts of modern civilization.

Mark: Great, we have Eskimos and Thais. Now we need some whites to avoid accusations of racial profiling. Preferably from Europe, but not French because Burger King sells French fries with the Whopper, nor Italians because they’ve got pizza… Some really backward Europeans…

Chuck: Yeah, like, from Transylvania or something, the land of Dracula and vampires every American has heard of… instant recognition of backwardness without any effort on our part…

Mark: Is Transylvania actually a country? That would be perfect for our campaign. I think we just found our Whopper Virgins, the noble savages who come in contact with the modern civilization, like in Kipling’s novels. That’s deep, man. We’re making advertising history at Crispin Porter + Bogusky. Now pack this up in a politically correct babble about embracing diversity, multiculturalism, culinary traditions, etc. and let’s sell those Whoppers.

When Romanians are in a tizzy about an ad that just might make people look at their country as an interesting cultural oasis in a sea of modern progress and change…it is utter hipocracy at it’s most disgusting and uneducated level!!! Those doing the whining should be proud BK chose here instead of one of the other thousands of countries it could have put in the spotlight.

Sucking or Ruling…however you may think..why not just try and shut up, get off your lazy ass and do something that might benefit the land you are leaving to your children….! like voting for better leaders to start with…!

My Romanian wife and I watched these commercials in the US. and actually thought them to be creative and original in a way as to actually influence people in a positive manner(there’s a lesson to learn here)…all be it into eating junk food(which I would never condone). She wasn’t offended…as a matter of fact the only thing that really offends her is seeing how things are when we come to visit. How Romanians treat their fellow countrymen. Bribing, stealing and swindling at every opportunity. Trash everywhere you look…now I know most of those who posees the ability to read this aren’t the ones doing the dumping…BUT what are YOU doing to STOP it? Hmmm? Just as I thought…ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!

Just keep the Preists fat and happy building church after church and all this shit will disappear when you die and go to heaven…right?

ps: Thanks Romerican for getting me all fired up! Time to go to the cellar and fetch a new bottle of vin de casa…!