Taking the bus
In the US, the traditional way to pay for metro bus fare is when you board the vehicle. You enter only from the front door near the driver, not the rear door. If you have a pre-paid monthly pass, you swipe it. Otherwise, you put cash into the collection device until it beeps happily. Exact change preferred.
Pretty simple, eh? Get on the bus. Pay.
The potential for any fiduciary shenanigans is severely curtailed by the absence of human exchange. Your bus pass was prepaid on the internet. If you’re paying cash, you toss coins into a machine that rapidly counts the total value. Ding!
Now, I walked you through that for the sake of contrast.
In Romania, the foreigner is often puzzled by the rituals of public transportation.
Tiny, non-descript signs indicate bus stops, though non-locals will never see such signs. The best bet for a traveler is to locate any large collection of loitering citizens. They’re either hitchhiking or waiting for a bus. Either way, it involves wheels.
If it does turn out to be a bus stop, the ride protocol initiates with jostling in close proximity. Children will rush between your legs. Grown men will shove you from behind. Old women will step on your feet as they slip past you in the shuffle. It’s all out combat as the bus rolls to a stop.
Tourists may note, between pinballesque shovings, there are multiple fronts in the war. Any place which might conceivably be a door is bumrushed by the crowds. Front, back, even center if the bus has 3 doors. Any port is fair game.
The primary objective of those outside the bus is to block any passengers from exiting the vehicle. By not letting any people get off the bus, entrants hope to claim a free seat.
Sound backwards? Not really. There is a tactical imperative to the strategy of obstruction. The bunicas, who prove Darwin’s theories by standing point guard on the surging would-be riders, communicate telepathically in order to coordinate a simultaneous backward lean.
Having been given 4 to 6 mm of leeway, the outbound passengers stampede ashore with the force of their exist knocking back the throngs of boarding people. A mosh pit breaks out as the two sides seasaw back and forth.
When the majority of debarked (that’s right! not everyone makes it off successfully), then the chaos flops forward precariously. They key is to leap in the air about a half meter from the bus, just in time for the people behind you to give you a good thrust. The resulting trajectory should arc you more or less inside the autobus.
Don’t bother looking for seats. There’s no way you had the experience or stamina to manhandle the cattle necessary to claim victory. They’re all taken. Age and gender and civility have no place here. First come, first serve. We have communism to thank for this equality.
Of course, you won’t be quite the last to board. When the driver grinds the transmission into a crunchy first gear, the ancient beast belches its’ displeasure and lurches forward under the strain of being overburdened.
You’ll notice the doors don’t necessarily close prior to motion as it makes good sport for passengers to bet on which of the persons running down the block in your general direction might have the athletic ability to fling themselves at the moving target and find some edge to dig their fingers nails into to keep from falling out to their death.
Alas, the show comes to an end. Collect your winnings or pay your debts, accordingly. We move onto the next stage: the realization you’ve been outfoxed by the clever folks on the side of the bus who do not have 4000 degrees of solar heat magnified by window glass. You’ll learn to appreciate the scientific process of maximum cloth saturation as you sweat like şaorma on the spit.
Click, click. Turn and notice most of the adults (not teens) are sliding ribbons of paper into a mechanical hole punch. Ah, self validation of their tickets. The honesty system, in effect. Afterall, the odds of being caught by the wily and elusive ticket inspector on one of his/her rare trips aboard the bus are slim to none. Next to impossible.
Panic! You didn’t buy a ticket, did you, foreigner?
“Ticket?”
Oh, yeah… no one told you how that works. See, in random locations scattered throughout the city (but never where you happen to be) are invisible salespersons selling tickets through portals from the 5th Dimension. Your challenge is sense the magnetic disturbance in the air caused by the presence of undetectable bus ticket kiosks, then take the inverse derivative of the cosign value of relative variance from the mean which will give you the WGS84 latitude…
Right. So teens sneak on the bus knowing they’re unlikely to get into trouble. Adults tend to pay for tickets out of some sense of civic duty. No order is really enforced or promoted. Your crime of being born elsewhere will result in your being a public transportation scofflaw in a foreign land.
What a jerk, you’ve become. You and all the rest of the disrespectiful tourists from just about any other part of the world. Worthless as a dog’s fleas leeching off the rest of society.
Travel tip: Wanna get around town easily and cheaply? Look for any dark box bearing an unspectacular sign with the word RAT in blue. Find that RAT and you’ve found the magical happyland where tickets are sold. Now, if you don’t speak Romaneste at all, buying said tickets will be the most entertaining aspect of your bus experience…
July 18th, 2008 at 7:40 am
Valuable info for the first time/infrequent visitor. Somehow it reminds me of Spain.
July 18th, 2008 at 7:40 am
Oh…..and Italy
July 19th, 2008 at 11:59 pm
Want some adrenaline? Take a bus ride, have a ticket but don’t put it in the machine. And then try to follow everyone and see who looks more like a “controlor” and less like a traveler.
They are good at camouflaging =]
July 22nd, 2008 at 9:52 pm
Exceedingly well written post, Rom-’Merkin! What great memories it brings of Bucharest cramming. *thumbsup*
You only missed a couple things…the thieves working the buses in twos and threes, and, when the Metro is on strike / broken down in winter, the need to hike yourself back and forth, out of the way of street signs, as if you were windsurfing or sailing, all because you are clinging for dear life to the metal bar and the last possible step on a bus so full the doors can’t shut for the people on that step…
At least, that was my fun in February of 1996 on the way to interviews downtown. :D
You have reminded me that I need to post the tale of my amazing bus incident from Suceava, also 12 years ago. But not today, I have exceeded my one post per week limit. :D Maybe tomorrow, or the next day…
July 22nd, 2008 at 9:53 pm
P.S. I’ll have you know you are enjoying new replacements in the bus fleet these days. And some of them are pretty empty, nights, so you can actually get a seat… :)
July 23rd, 2008 at 10:12 pm
From the start I admit i’m new to this site…I have one question : who is the person writing this stuff ? Is he/she romanian , american or mixed breed ?
Can anybody give me a clue? Thanks.
July 24th, 2008 at 12:30 am
If I am not mistaken, Romerican represents an American living in Romania. Well written post. :-)
July 24th, 2008 at 4:33 am
You’re terribly mistaken to say that age, gender or civility have no place in the public transport services of the Balkans. Haven’t you seen the ever present group of old ladies cursing, swearing and threatening their way into a seat? That’s civility in action (Balkan civility, that is)! The bus-stop-stampede also has a set of clear and immutable rules – the same, ever present “group of old ladies” forms a thick, impenetrable wall right along the expected stopping position of the bus. Then, in a military like operation, after the bus stops, they storm the bus, trying to capture any and all available seats, proclaiming themselves as Rulers of Public Transport. And, since they own the Free Senior Pass, and because they are really bored at home, and since they need a place to hold their lengthy debates, the group tends to stay on those seats for 1-2 hours, while the bus makes its runs, transporting the sweaty (standing) masses back and forth. Afterward, happy of their rush-hour-conquests, they leave the bus.
If getting caught by the nasty controlor, do like (some) Romanians do. Put on a “fake” accent, say “Nu vorbeste romaneste” while handing a 5 lei bill to the controlor. That should fix it. The other way would involve the even more common “naşule, nu putem rezolva altcumva” approach, and a similar 5 lei bill.
Oh, and most teens don’t click-clack their tickets since they get the subsidized “abonamente” passes. They are the typical target of the mean controlor, when they manage to squeeze past the old “ladies”.
But at least, some places in Romania (like Bucharest) bought new, air conditioned buses and trolleybuses… You should see the relics that are used in lieu of buses in places like Ruse, or even Sofia…
July 24th, 2008 at 6:42 pm
mon ami – It seems to me you got the change to board one bus, that but that was an inter-city experience which –while interesting in its own right– is not the same as a metro bus. But, yeah, there’s some underlying familiarity with the latin brothers in Spain and Italy.
Frank – Hey, boss! Thanks for stopping by. You know, I’d forgotten about pickpockets probably because they’re not such a big nuisance as before. However, they definitely exist: famous bus #4 in Brasov de la gara. Hearing about two or three deep gives me an appreciation at how rough the waters of freedom were when you arrived originally – babe in the woods.
Do post the Suceava tale. I’m already intrigued!
Victor – Welcome to the show! The only obvious thing about Romer!can is unhealthy predilection for minor bouts of insanity… typically in the form of a road game. For those with nothing better to do, a few more facts can probably be gleaned from various past posts. But there’s no egotistical detailed biography and probably won’t be for a long time to come. Sometimes you have to travel by day.
The Cricket – a clever chirper come to contribute the collective cacophony. Welcome.
Mikail – You may have a point. While I think the communist equality applies, I must concede the point that the rich experience of wily bunici often makes the difference in who emerges from the fray victorious.
Your theories on governance and passing time on an afternoon have a ring a truth to them. I suspect additional research in this area is warranted. A secret underworld heirarchy; revenge of the comrades, eh? Heh.
I believe your Houdini plan, on the other hand, may be flawed. Uttering brief confessional phases sounds correct, but 5 lei? I suppose that might work in Rasnov or Tismana, but I suspect you’ll have compounded your troubles in high-cost Bucuresti where many (esp. 35+) locals have finely developed their skills in relieving foreigners of money under dubious circumstances. Frankly, I’d be afraid to find out.
Bucuresti has some new buses. And they are great. However, you cannot compare the capital of Romania to a decrepit border town of Ruse. It’s completely out of proportion. Sofia, on the other hand, has an armada of new buses and the boarding experience remains relatively organized: a clear victory.
July 24th, 2008 at 7:25 pm
Komrades, none of you mentioneds the pinching of the bottom’s ladies on the overcrowded bus in Buckarest. I am waiting for news ans tries about it. Regards
July 25th, 2008 at 8:42 am
To “Cricket” : Wow…americans living in Romania…what are they doing in this godforsaken country ?…I wonder…did they hear the all after 60 years ?
July 25th, 2008 at 11:41 pm
@Victor: Who is Romamer!can? Well…current prevailing theory is, Romer!can is a pungent hiccup out of some fuzzy quantum mechanical process, but Romania offers no Beano to solve it. Fortunately, he writes pretty well. ;)
Oh, and there’s always hard core Americans living for the long term in, and even enjoying, Romania if you poke your nose into the right places!
@Mikail: ROTFL. Nice finishing touch! :)
July 26th, 2008 at 1:02 am
OK, the Suceava bus escapade is up for your enjoyment. :)
And again, a tip of the hat to Mikail, who helped get the juices flowing!
July 27th, 2008 at 8:55 pm
Sounds pretty much like public transportation in Rome!!!
July 28th, 2008 at 4:22 pm
Sounds pretty much like public transportation in Rome!!!
At rush hours in Rome the passenger must struggle for life. Otherwise life on board tends to be boring, and on the metro (underground) the gypsy singing his broken violin had many passengers to commit instant suicide.
July 30th, 2008 at 12:41 pm
I’ve been living in Iasi now for..I can’t tell..3 months? 6 years? And I have yet to take the bus by myself. I generally just walk everywhere, it seems much simpler. But I should warn fellow Americans that if you’re coming to Romania; buy some real shoes! Some timberlands, workboots, hiking boots, steel toes (for the dogs), because in most Romanian stores you only find these odd little elfish shoes that will not stand up to the mud, rocks and dog poop on Romanian sidewalks.
Walk or take a cab..the bus is hellish and I have know idea where those maxi-taxis are going..
August 29th, 2008 at 5:38 am
I laughed my heart out. SOoo true! After many years of battling to get myself into the bus, I can appreciate as being so sadly true your comments. And funny:) Well done!