My readers?
Since I normally enjoy fresh air except in the very worst of weather, my window was open tonight as it is most days and nights. I hear people walking past most any time I pay attention.
Just now, around 22:00 local time, some young men stopped outside my apartment window. I’m not sure if they were some disaffected readers or just the usual neighborhood welcome wagon. I could hear them talking, but wasn’t really paying attention to what they were saying.
They lingered for a moment, then the chatter got loud and giggly. I glanced up at the window just in time to see some finger tips struggling to push the windows open further, as if the person on the street was on tip-toes or perhaps getting a boost from a friend.
And just then, an egg sailed into my place.
The mess is everywhere. Books, clothes, body parts, speakers, monitor, keyboard, a table, the bed, and all over the wall. I figure the egg must have cracked lightly on one of the window bars which allowed it to spew during the entire arc.
Of course, I immediately yelled in the most booming voice I could summon instinctively. That only made them run faster howling with laughter all the way. I would very much liked to have known exactly who they were.
In fact, I’d like five minutes alone with them.
Update: As promised.
As suspected, the egg clearly hit the bars on the way in and left fragments on the sill and elsewhere.
It lost a considerable amount of fluid over some as yet unpacked boxes I had by the window.
And it dropped more shell pieces on the floor nearby.
Various computer components were sprayed in melee, as evidenced here.
Looks like I got a discount purchasing a leftover public keyboard from an internet porn convention.
A healthy dose of egg innards painted stripes across the ceiling.
Having recently moved in, having my mind on other things, and famously oblivious to such details, I had failed to notice there was apparently a cobweb on the ceiling. The egg seemed to gather up threads and make sure I could not overlook it.
But the main portion managed to splatter across the wall.
And left behind droplets and shell fragments all over the furniture.
Mind you, I’m showing some sample photos here. There were other spots, drops, bits, pieces, and muck all around the areas you’ve just seen.
As we document further, we must be rational in agreeing that one egg would be insufficient for the amount of havoc witnessed. How else could the following, separate damage cluster have happened?
Further down away from the main attack was a curious tear drop.
In the vicinity were more clumps of egg shell bits.
Egg contents spilled onto books and paper.
A buckshot approach was well sloshed across a swath of my wrinkled comforter.
While the main force of the second attack makes it clear I’ll have to repaint this particular wall, if not both walls.
April 4th, 2007 at 10:14 pm
May I be the first to impart my deepest sympathies on your predicament….they truly left you with “egg on your face” =/
April 4th, 2007 at 10:16 pm
Can I also aske what you said? Did you threaten them in English or Romaneste?
April 4th, 2007 at 11:03 pm
Awww, that sounds terrible. So sorry to hear what happened to you. Did you get to see them at all? I mean, any chance you would recognize them if you saw them again? And yes, the same question popped into my head when I read your post — did you yell in English or in Romanian?
I’m trying to get into the Easter mood here, far away from home, and your story just reminded me what I hated about the “holy” night of Easter — stupid kids playing pranks on people going to church at midnight, making it hard for everybody to be forgiving…
April 5th, 2007 at 2:50 am
It wasn’t the end of the world or anything, but certainly an ill omen that really burned my biscuits. I’ll have to do something about those windows, so I can keep them open without risking future attacks of this sort.
I’ll admit I’m not 100% integrated yet. So, when I come unglued, you better believe it’s loud, virulent and definitely English. Those guys probably had no idea what I said, I think they started running as soon as the egg was airborne and hearing my voice holler out “HEY!….” was enough to have them halfway around the corner before the speed of sound brought the rest of my diatribe.
No, I didn’t get a look at them at all. Barely enough time to yell, survey the damage, and realize by the time I got outside the building they’d be half-way to Salajan.
I’ll keep an eye open for the rest of the week, since you’ve reminded me that it’s the Easter holiday coming up. It sure would have been great to nail those buzzards on the cross… er… I mean… catch ‘em. Damn hooligans. Meh.
April 5th, 2007 at 5:36 am
That sucks dude! — I wonder what the Hell Borne Posse would’ve done back in the day?!?
April 5th, 2007 at 8:40 am
I remember when I moved to Bucharest in 1999 and about two weeks (or less) into my time in my new apartment in Militari (note to which I’m returning in two months) I came home to find the place ransacked. A little robbery that nobody in a building of 90 or so apartments noticed was annoying–if not a little frightening.
But my biggest annoyance came when I heard the reaction from my friends who were locals: “Welcome to Bucharest!” This was delivered as if I was the kind of out of town idiot who should have expected a robbery, a beating, or an egg pelting.
You will find less concern for civility in Bucharest and even a tendency to be blamed for the idiocy of others. As in: “why do you have your window open?”
So, my friend, here’s to hoping that a great compromise can be found between the need to have an open window and the need to protect oneself from stray eggs and curious peepers!
See you soon by a shaorma stand!
April 5th, 2007 at 10:55 am
you fix a fucking mosquito net to that window, man. The wild Romanian chick is looking for her lost easter egg.
April 5th, 2007 at 11:29 am
maybe they were good friends of former inhabitant…
Agree with strudel. You will need a mosquito net, and soon. Rahovians mosquitos are vampire crossbreed.
April 5th, 2007 at 11:47 am
Alex & Raluca – Just to follow up on a detail, I have — of course — learned many filthy things which can be said in Romaneste. However, once in a while, my wires get crossed resulting in hostile phrases like “ciorba de mata” …which often results in perplexity rather than intimidation.
AF – According the newspaper stories I can remember from back then, there’s little doubt those malevolent prigs would have thrown a barrage of Russell Stover eggs or See’s eggs which were stolen from the adopted orphans living with a single grandmother who’s half-blind and crippled.
Cristian – As an out of town halfwit who should have expected protein lobbing, I am probably to blame to daring to open a window at night. I’ve theorized a good defense would be photo-resistor-driven motion-sensor lights set to trigger the video camera sending a wireless feed… y’know, one of those X10 widgets. But, I think I have a low-tech solution for this and a couple other problems associated living on etaj unu in this particular place.
I love your precise wording. There is absolutely a distinct and notable lack of civility in Bucuresti. Being in other parts of Romania, you might find the occasional jerk but by-and-large the people were reasonably kind, if not often hospitable. However, Bucuresti has essentially felt to me as if it epitomized the the very worst of the “burned out shell of a big city” category where everyone’s an asshole through their own insecurity or lack of character. It would seem I’ve now sufficient time for gathering empirical evidence contrary to the truishness of such sentiments.
Still… burglarized? You’ve reminded me I shouldn’t bother complaining much about last night’s episode. Just hearing about the lack of testimony from soulless neighbors and the non-chalance of friends who’ve long since given up hope does trigger one American instinct: thoughts of purchasing a firearm. Imagine the look on the face of a burglar caught in my apartment as they stared into a black 9mm hole and heard, “Bine ati veni la Bucuresti.”
Enough fleeting fantastical thoughts. Militari, eh? Shaorma, eh? I sense there is adventure afoot. Full-speed ahead, cap’n!
April 5th, 2007 at 11:52 am
strudel – You’ve given me quite a scare now. I mean, what happens next if she calls the feral Dacian rooster to aid her? Dio santo!
mutz – Odds are strong I shouldn’t take random tomfoolery in a personal way. But I agree with you about agreeing with strudel, in a conceptual way. Mosquito net won’t cut the mustard, but something quite similar will.
April 5th, 2007 at 1:34 pm
eggs, Easter, it figures, must be the celebration spirit :( Mosquito net sounds right. Hugs
April 5th, 2007 at 2:11 pm
I personally would use some kind of tight springy netting to send the eggs flying back to the source…hopefully they would still be standing there for it…but at the least they would look back from a distance to see thier egg flying back into the street….maybe you could convince them you brought some sort of western voodoo magic that repells the threats of scumbag kids….maybe even put a the head of a small child in a jar. Sit it on the window sill and fix your motion sensored camera on that!
I’m surprised you didn’t run into the street screaming and yelling, flinging salsa in thier eyes…much more restraint then myself, that’s for sure…
April 5th, 2007 at 3:48 pm
Yeah, I would probably lose it. What you should do is booby trap your window with a spring and mount some razors on it. Then next time someone grabs that ledge, the window drops and takes off a couple fingers. Hahaha, nah I’m just messing………well maybe.
April 5th, 2007 at 4:34 pm
“Hey!” is quite international — good instinct :) And “ciorba de mata”… well, that is actually really scary. And imaginative. And funny at the same time. I wonder what you intended to say…
April 5th, 2007 at 5:13 pm
Smearing habanero oil around the outside of that window frame might teach those egging brats! I think I would look for a big ugly dog for protection…perhaps half bull dog & half sharpei. Nobody would mess with that if it came to the window! btw, Happy Easter
April 5th, 2007 at 6:56 pm
So not only you live in Ferentari, but you also live on the first floor (parter)? Darn, you’re adventurous! And now they know there’s a foreigner living there :P (I’m teasing you, kinda… well – half joking, I guess)
Well, in Ro is traditional to paint the house before Easter, it’s said to bring a happy year ahead. Have a Happy Holiday!
April 5th, 2007 at 8:57 pm
ps: i meant fake head of a small child in a jar…don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea….
April 6th, 2007 at 12:23 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qkHjhVccQ5U
Check out the comments as well…
April 6th, 2007 at 4:00 pm
monsoux – It’s the Christian thing to do, huh? I see. Anyway, I’m gathering that what y’all call a mosquito net is not the same as in English. Of course, I think quick on my feet and realize that even with different terminology, we’re all envisioning the same solution here. Does that make us smart in a peer-reviewed sense? Or just a self-reinforcing community?
Ron – That got a huge laugh out of me. Reminds me of some song lyrics from back in the day; “I’m a circus ninja southwest voodoo wizard.” On the other hand, if I put a baby’s head in a jar, I’d probably only get more attention. Then I’d have to schedule viewing times behind a curtain and charge 1 lei per look. I could be rich.
I might have run out onto the street, but there’s some extenuating circumstances. First, I’d have had to have put on something a little more appropriate for going out doors, then find the keys, unlock the door, go through the building entrance, fumble with it’s clumsy lock, and finally be out on the street. As it was, I barely got the first word out and could hear they were definite high-tailin’ outta there.
There’s always the chance I might be lingering around outside one day when they linger past and laughingly comment to each other about how “that one time…” and then I’d have ‘em. We all live in the same neighborhood and karma is a pitbull on a short leash.
xamox – I love it! Another reminder of song lyrics talkin a lil sumpin sumpin about “blood, guts, fingers, and toes.” The trap sounds wicked! Then I could plant the fingers. Grow a hand plant into an arm bush into a human tree. Medical science would love me. I’d be on the cover of /.
Raluca – I only laugh at my foibles after the fact, because in retrospect some errors are pretty funny. And we all know what I had meant to say! ;]
shadowchase – That’d fix their little wagon! Make the little digits burn and pray they’d be dumb enough to suck on them. Half bull-dog and half-sharpei wouldn’t be too big, but it sure the hell would be ugly! Hahahaha.
Lola – I’m a glutton for punishment. I probably won’t get any painting done before Easter. Though, I did look around the area to see if anyone had accidentally left behind a can of that white paint they use on the trees. (I kid, I kid.)
WD – La da da da da. Yeah, I had it embedded in a post here some months ago. That lame music video is a hoot!