Are you into those little smut novels sold to women in lieu of pornographic magazines?

Have you heard about the one about the exotic dancer? She’s got that long reddish-brunnette hair cascading in ringlets far past her shoulders in a pleasantly defiant femininity visually appealing to certain men.

A broad, closed-mouth smile is covered in lipstick like some secret invitation wrapped in ribbon just below her magazine-perfect nose. She naughtily sits on elevated desktop playing teacher just for you.

She’s wearing an all white, one-piece dress whose buttons reach all the way down to her ankles. Her head is playfully cocked, allowing the rings to brush over her shoulder so you can see the length of it while darting your glances to the smooth skin of her taught neckline.

The titillating sight of this flesh is ever-so-gently daring you to look further downward to where she’s got the top button of her dress open, revealing naked skin below her small shoulders and above the breastline she knows you’re curious about.

With eyebrows properly plucked into seductive shape, her light brown eyes look directly into yours with a laughter all their own. For she knows you’re fighting the desperate urge to break eye contact and chase the lower reaches of your field of vision which have revealed that this seductress has unbuttoned the bottom half of her dress in anticipation of your carnal desires.

Begging for the quickening of your pulse and shortening of your breath, the radiant siren has slyly spread her legs apart and is now extending two fingers of her left hand onto the magic place no longer hampered by fabric.

She begins to moan, “Ahhhh…”

Hey, hey! Slow down there, Charlie! Not familiar with this particular tale? Well, it’s available in most grocery stores, but not in the book aisle where you might expect it. No, it’s over with the medical and personal care supplies. Waiting for you to take her into your hands and do whatever you want with her.

I’ve seen this little doozy in a couple/few households across all parts of Romania. Apparently, it’s been quite a popular little product. Take a porn star model, then photoshop a little nurse hat on to her head and uniform insignia on her chest. Slap on a little tag with the cheeky name of Mona.

Instant marketing recipe!

I’m not precisely sure who buys this, though. I’d kinda always figured that women accounted for the vast majority of rubbing alcohol purchases. Part and parcel with this assumption was the idea that ladies wouldn’t be too likely to purchase porn-driven products. Viva the modern, liberated gal!

Since I’m making rash guesses, I should admit I get the impression this sexy little piece of branding was devised by a couple of fraternity boys after 3 or 4 bottles of palinca during an all-night bender. I won’t decry it, per se; I mean, whatever works.

The product “Mona: Alcool Sanitar” is produced by two brothers, Ioan Micula and Viorel Micula, who own Scandic Distilleries which recently lost its production and sales license in the wake of a massive fraud and bribery investigation of cronies and friends of corrupt PSD officials (the former communists who now call themselves socialists).

Fear not, ye who surf the web naked. The Micula brothers have a vast empire of companies, including the very large European Food and European Drinks, which means they very likely have the resources needed to ensure that Mona finds her way back onto your shelf soon.

Especially, since their corrupt ex-communist allies have helped secure an unusually large sum of €250 million in loans from the European Bank for Reconstruction and Development despite that the loan is unnecessary due to years of strong profits and substantial export revenue growth, runs counter to EBRD’s espoused anti-corruption efforts in light of serious fraud investigations for more than a year, and arguably being outside the primary scope of the EBRD’s mandate to assist in privatization and market economy transition.

Public institutions misappropriating fund outlays politically? Surprise, surprise.

Maybe the subsidiary should be named Scandalous Distilleries.

Still, kudos to the Finance Ministry for slapping the bad guys on the wrist. It’s more than many had expected to occur.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, January 9th, 2007 at 8:40 pm and is filed under Business. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.