And the cheer went up: Huzzah!

There is very little reason for you to “upgrade” (sick euphemism, at best) to Vista since it is defective by design. However, in interesting news, the upcoming DRM — which prevents you from doing many tasks — has been cracked by a Romanian.

Prepare yourself now; you can expect to see more posts about why Vista is bad for you.

This may shock you.

Frankly, I find it obscene.

Yet, I’ve no choice, dear reader, except to drag you down with me into the very depths of hell against all semblance of good taste or sophisticated manner.

You must accompany me along this twisted path to multicultural enlightenmentation. The darkside of integratorious amalgamation and multisourced influentationalism. That seedy underbelly of common acceptancism. This very cesspool of EU ascensionalistisms.

Got your mental visa?

Let us embark then, my depraved friend, for a rude awakening.

The scene: an apartment in Bucureşti.

In the starving circle of the southwest cartier of this newly accepted European capital city. At the peak moment of integration, celebration rings out across the urban landscape. Not far from Ceauşescu’s behemoth, we, too, strive to participate in the moment at hand.

Amidst the new tiles covering last year’s peeling paint, we have just witnessed the glorious ingenuity of the indefatigable Romanian ethic. The purity of our cause has released unto us grapes which were grown, fermented, and sold in Romania. We are on the very cusp of satiating our most debased evening desires perchance to dabble in but just a wee bit of vino.

Acum, me intelegeţi mai bine, nu?

You see, it all started off so innocently. With the cork no longer enslaved to its glassy captor, libations were free flowing. And it never hurts to have an appealing guide when setting out upon such a journey as this.

I know what you’re thinking. Everything seems so pleasant. How was I, simple me, to know we would all be unceremoniously betrayed?

What you fail to understand is just how mashable this new Europe can be. Ideas seems to increasingly free-flow from one group to another. The resulting pollination brings some consequences I’m not at all sure we’re collectively prepared to accept.

Granted, my past history includes a venue which has enabled me to see the benefit of agricultural purity. So, understand I’m predisposed toward unadulterated beverages whose content is beyond reproach.

All of this roughly translates into the idea that there are circumstances where one ought not pervert particular drinks. Perhaps I was poorly educated.

Nonetheless, I have adverse reactions to situations whereupon certain sacrosanct liquids are imbibed under impure conditions, having effectively been infected with gastronomical toxins.

Should I change? Nu cred.

And so it is I bear witness to you of an unholy practice currently occurring in Bucureşti, if not elsewhere. Oh, if only we could call upon our religious leaders to save us from certain corruption then we might not have had our assumptions shaken and stirred.

Alas, we are alone in this place and this time.

Yet, hold fast. For it did happen.

Indeed, much to my dismay, the perversion took place before my very eyes. I stood there drop-jawed as this unholy practice unfolded.

Despite the blinding stupor, my instincts fumbled about for the camera so I might capture her nonchalant routine. As I snapped away and lost yet another piece of my precious cultural virginity, she remained willfully ignorant of my gasps and sighs.

Trust me when I relay to you my being abjectly flabbergasted by the crime undertaken which must have been invented by a stark raving mad Tepeş. There are no words to describe the horror. The very savagery burned my eyes.

I stood speechless while Shaitan took physical form, pouring himself into, amongst, amidst, around, between, and as part of the previously unscathed weyn.

Are you immediately repulsed to the point of physical convulsions by the mere sight? Then you are American or Americanized. For it is a vile transgression unfit for the lowest dregs of the most corrupt society. So completely illogical, Spock would spontaneously combust. It is, quite simply, beyond any reasonable comprehension.

Unless, that is, you’re astute enough to factor in the cultural debasement engendered by ascension into the European Union. Perhaps Tudor and Becali were correct all along: the flea-ridden mongrels will seep across the border and impregnate Romania with their foreign-tainted filth.

Yes, brothers and sisters! Listen up and embrace the truthiness!

Sure, the fashion magazine wackos will tout this as progressive integration and even as evidence of Bucureşti trending towards diversity in beverage service, but the fact is someone has to draw the line somewhere.

Stop the madness. It’s all fine and well to allow pizza delivery and kebab vendors, but when you start messing around with the wine, kids, you’ve crossed the threshold.

You might mumble some mealy-mouthed excuse about how adding cola to red wine is considered a legitimate drink in several nations. You could even protest that it’s immensely popular in many places. I won’t even listen to apologist claims that this has been practiced by some Romanians for years.

It seems this appalling behavior has a name: kalimotxo.

As your better, it is incumbent upon me to awake you from your wayward strayings. Kalimotxo originates from the Euskaldunak in the Pyrenees of the European Union, an isolationist raft of paleothic DNA surrounded by an ocean of Indo-European language.

They created the drink back in the 1970s as a response to poor economic conditions. Traditional recipes call for mixing the cheapest red wine available in equal parts with a very particular brand of famous cola in order to produce an inexpensive beverage with a unique flavor.

From there, the disease has spread across other parts of Europe and even now threatens the purity of our wine here in Romania. You might say that I should drink my wine normally but still allow others to ignorantly fabricate noxious drinks of their liking.

But, I ask you, how can we condone the actions of foreign invaders when they damage our own heritage? It’s well known that the Basque peoples are often associated with terrorism. If that’s true, we should be invading them not embracing them. Particularly if they have any oil.

And here’s where the conspiracy gets thick, my brothers.

All these science researchers with their so-called pursuit of truth and supposed facts have been studying the genetic make-up of Euskaldunak because their origins are shrouded in mystery. It may be a surprise for you to find out they did not come extraplanetary aliens, but the reality is they are the parents of Britain.

It’s easy to see the connections still running through their common blood. First clear your mind of all the things you already know about how Blair’s England produces fascism, employs censors for teachers, works on totalitarian data keeping over its chattel, and spies on its serfs in a manner straight from Ceauşescu’s wet dream. We just call that: being shady.

Where the common point of DNA reveals itself is in the liquor, dear reader. If you thought ruining wine with cola was bad, check out what our Brit friends do. They destroy quality beer by watering it down with ginger ale or Sprite (which they mistakenly call “lemonade”). Like their post-Thatcher government, it’s immoral and disgusting. But they call it: beer shandy.

In Spain and South America, there has been a rapid spread of “Calimocho” as it moved beyond the Basque territory, spilling over into the impressionable minds of poor youth elsewhere.

So, too, has shandy seen expansion off the British Isles into Scandinavia and Germany as biermischgetränke, where I personally first was dumbfounded by the proposition of murdering good beer by stabbing it with 7-Up.

Things have gone completely overboard as shandy is at the center of newly accepted practice of marketing to women. In this case, Germans package watered down beer as a natural health drink with the subtle implication being that a woman can “handle” it. Blech.

Who are these nihilistic nutjobs torturing beer and wine?

The horrible pollution of quality alcoholic beverages cause a great emotional stir deep inside me. Both kalimotxo and shandy are the negative results of EU integration which must be uncategorically rejected and, indeed, expelled from the faux sophisticates of Bucureşti.

We must turn our backs on the Euskal-Breton invasion and decry it as Satan’s ploy against the great unwashed masses!

For, it is evil.

And, just as when mankind was created 6,000 years ago from garden clay under an apple tree, even today, the naturally wicked female uses her charms to beguile honest men into joining her sins.