As a follow-up to a previous post on Kool-Aid equivalents in Romania, we bring you exciting news of a different brand of powered drink mix for sale in several Romanian stores. Some of you may remember my wistful observation that Romania sometimes seems incapable or unwilling to reach out and compete in foreign markets, even though foreign companies are more than able to compete effectively here. Well, once again, this powdered drink is from Bulgaria.

Don’t get me wrong - I think it’s great for our neighbors to the south to increase economic ties with Romania. It’s healthy for their economy and should be healthy for ours as well. What has concerned me is the apparent lack of fortitude among many firms around here. They either plan on selling out from the get-go or play in their own sandbox until they become obscure. Either way, profits and ownership are going elsewhere.

The good news is that Sunny is a huge improvement over Frutti. This stuff actually works as advertised; you only need one packet for 2 liters of kool-aidish pleasure. Just cut open a corner and pour it into some water. It even dissolves a little faster than the previous brand. There’s no need to add any sugar because it, too, comes with phenylalanine-type concoction (so, don’t drink too much at once).

It’s available in Strawberry, Cherry, Orange, Raspberry, Cola and a blend of Peach and Apricot. For those of you wondering about the cola flavor, it’s actually pretty good! Yep, it tastes kinda like Pepsi or another sweet cola, just without the carbonation. No bubbles might sound like it’s flat. Nope. It doesn’t have that flat taste. You’d have to try it yourself to agree with me that it’s just meant to be fara carbonation.

Now, my favorite raspberry. I became somewhat addicted to it for a little while. Any fellow sufferers out there with this affliction?

Votch owt! Zee germahns arr hier!

The teutonic knights of Holsten came riding into Romania on a black horse from Hamburg. “Gebraut nach dem Reinheitsgebot,” was the battle cry of the jade warriors. Founded in 1879, this “premium bier” (da, in deutschglish) is produced in Pantelimon under the supervision of the German parent company for quality control purposes.

Notice the company apparently cannot spell its own name correctly. Is it a harbinger of things to come? Let’s find out. In the meantime, Holsten needs to learn how to get the details right or else consider a little modesty.

But, oh child, lest we be naive, let us not deny the strange games the golden bears play. Nearly the same age as Holsten, the boys from Ursus were founded in 1878 in Cluj. Recently, they were acquired by SABMiller and now proclaim themselves to be “King of Beers in Romania.” King of Beers, eh? That egoism sounds familiar.

Ursus felt confident about its current promotie offering 6 Ursus-branded beer glasses to 40,000 winning fans who popped a lucky cap, so it aggressively drove right now the field as soon as the top was off. The mere reputation of its liquid refreshment had the Romanian crowd standing on their seats, jumping for joy, and generally in a state of racous frenzy as they anticipated the early kill shot. Exactly when the ball should have gone into the net, Holsten’s intial sip stretched sideways and blocked the shot by the fingertips as the disbelieving fans groaned in agony.

After only a couple volleys of swallowation, Holsten broke away from flaccid Ursus in a Heineken-like move using it’s wonderfully bitter pils approach to blow away the competition and put up the first point on the board as jaws dropped. GOAL!

The halftime ceremonies consisted of nabbing a little sun before it disappeared as the BrasoDome went balcon-style. At a sufficient volume, were the vocal trance styling of Digitally Imported. The listless crowd debated the supposed strengths of Ursus and speculated about it’s potential to wage a comeback try.

Somebody somewhere blew a whistle, so the players trotted back out onto the field. In what might appear on the surface to be a mere coincident, each team presented a clear glass style of play. From all 360 degrees of the sports facility, viewers got to see the two beers had virtually difference in either color or head consistency.

In one of the many blind taste tests conducted by Romerican during Campionatul Mondial de Bere, the expert panel of judges were not confused for even one moment as to which beer clearly had a superior taste. One lone field referee predicted numerous times that the King of Bears’s taste would surely score, but on each occassion the relative merits were rebutted time and again by the black knights.

With no difference between alcoholic skills or rough price points, time came down to the wire. Ursus tried to make something of it’s slightly hoppy flavor, but was ultimately watered down. The domestic favorites tried again with a fruity aroma that got them nowhere. They lost ball control to the honey-pollen flowery nose of Holsten and then the hombres from Hamburg demonstrated their superiority vis-a-vis the red stripes of Ursus bere premium by scoring a second goal based on taste alone. GOAL!

Pissed off beer drinkers across Romania cursed their high resolution screens and started rumors about a possible conspiracy of foreign beer brands having bought off the judges. Back at the BraşoDome, the unhappy Cluj faithful began throwing tomatoes and eggs, forcing security to remove them physically. The poor officiators on the other hand had the unenviable task of recording the details of their decisions down on the field.

Yes, my friends, one has to wonder if I can really keep up with the pace of all this research and documentation. O sa vedem noi. Now that the knight has slain the bear, let’s find that bottle opener for the next round…

Final score: Holsten 2 - Ursus 0

Afara scara mea. Sambata dimineaţa.

My, oh, my! If you didn’t catch this one live, then y’all sure missed a real Texas-sized humdinger.

Things started out pleasant enough here in the BraşoDome. Freezable mugs were freshly washed and aching to be filled with a refreshing liquid amber. Nectar of the gods. That sort of thing. The judges were admittedly in need of some relaxation after the first match earlier in the day, but The People were demanding a double header. Weren’t you, comrade?

Yes, my friends, there’s been a new beer introducted in Romania last year. In fact, I believe it’s the only new beer I’ve seen from Romania during this period of consolidation which has caused many brands to disappear. Its name is Stejar and it hails from the land of Cluj, where its owners Ursus (aka SABMiller) mimic Budweiser claims about being brewing royalty. Have you tried it yet?

Standing tall on the other side of the field was the green and aur squade of Golden Brau, winners of the 2003 Gold Medal from Bruxelles. Clearly no slouch, this team is owned by bitter rival Brau Union and can be found throughout most of Romania at grovery stores or street vendors.

Once the whistle blew, the game erupted into a shoving match between the two brands as each tried to muscle the ball away from their defensive zones. People in the stadium thrilled to a electrifying contest of competitors with completely different styles battling it out for the adoration of the crowd. Early in the event, Stejar punched in a fiercesome fireball of deliciously sourmash characteristics of its bite. GOAL!

Romanians from the northern regions of Transylvania roared with delight upon first-strike against their southern foes… dancing for joy in a rainbow of gold, black and red. Granted, it didn’t take long for distinctly crisp flavor of Golden Brau to counterpunch with it’s own (and opposite) malti yumminess and deliver a return volley right between the goalposts. GOAL!

All tied up with nowhere to go, the teams headed back into the locker-room for a pep talk from the coaches while the enthralled onlookers took a pit-stop for kebabs and sarmale. An announcer came on the public address system during halftime to inform the crowds about the recent incident of an unidentified person talking smack about Ciuc. She also shared the tipsy details of the triple-header scheduled for Sambata night. Those assembled for the game next turned their gaze upon the jumbotron for a special humorous halftime film entitled Call Center (presented by Cheezy Cheeky) which, in the vein of Office Space, tells the truth about life in a particular work environment.

It took a while for the laughter to subside (euphemism for occassional fits of snickering), but eventually the second half got underway. Apparently, something definitely happened in the locker-room for Stejar during the break, because the team came out on fire with a new price-point strategy of only 1,6 RON that earned them another ball in the net. GOAL!

Cheerleaders on the other side of the BraşoDome were toiling away to work up enthusiasm among the gold and emerald faithful in order to provide a pivotal morale booster to the bottles of Golden Brau. As if the fans were divining the ball through telekinesis, Golden Brau passed the ball around fancier than the Harlem Globetrotters. When they went for the killshot based on the power of flavor, it appears that Stejar had a Stadium Saint looking out for them because the ball went wide after it reverberated off an errant elbow, sending that player out of the game with an injury.

The Brau Union managers were absolutely livid and began harassing the referrees, but it was clear that while the dynamic duo had radically different skill sets the guys from Golden Brau just weren’t able to deliver a second time at this point. Frustration began to set in and once Stejar had the ball again, the roughhousing rekindled in earnest. Stejar hadn’t done too much with the ball when they caused a turnover that allowed Golden Brau a high kick down the center of the field setting up what should have been a perfect killshot, but that pungent flavor worked a little defensive magic and a defensive back slipped in between a pass play and nicked the ball, dribbling up field like someone had slipped a little tabasco into his jockstrap. From out of nowhere, a Golden Brau halfback enacted the peak of aggression with an ill-advised attempt to slidetackle that sent the Stejar player somersaulting through time and space before landing on earth again, losing his cap and enduring a concussion.

Seeing that this was not a mere accident but actually a malicious foul on the part of Golden Brau’s frustrated team, Spammy confiscated the illegal bottle cap remover from the field and issued a yellow card to the offending assailant.

Although time was running out, the Stejar team felt a little revenge was in order but felt compelled to keep their collective noses clean. They decided to use their superior alcohol talent to immediately punish Golden Brau and deliver a message. The boys in green were utterly dejected as they saw (in slow-motion, no doubt) the ball go sailing into the net. GOAL!

At the point, the Stejar fans were stomping their feet and making helicopters with their shirts in celebration. On the other side, the entire situation was completely falling apart as devotees headed for the exits. But before the cars had even left the parking lots, Stejar followed its same tactic of 7% alcohol dominance to sling another nugget in the pot for a back-to-back score, so far unseen in the tournament. GOAL!

Let’s just agree that after this match, the scene was a little… dizzying.

Final score: Golden Brau 1 - Stejar 4

…that I love Romania is because both houses and businesses alike are not afraid to use color. Outside of the Ceaşescu bloc apartments, there isn’t much in the way of colorless mini-malls and uninspiring suburban tract homes. Not yet, anyway. Right now, Romania eschews soulless uniformity and embraces chaotic joie de vie.