My, oh, my! If you didn’t catch this one live, then y’all sure missed a real Texas-sized humdinger.

Things started out pleasant enough here in the BraşoDome. Freezable mugs were freshly washed and aching to be filled with a refreshing liquid amber. Nectar of the gods. That sort of thing. The judges were admittedly in need of some relaxation after the first match earlier in the day, but The People were demanding a double header. Weren’t you, comrade?

Yes, my friends, there’s been a new beer introducted in Romania last year. In fact, I believe it’s the only new beer I’ve seen from Romania during this period of consolidation which has caused many brands to disappear. Its name is Stejar and it hails from the land of Cluj, where its owners Ursus (aka SABMiller) mimic Budweiser claims about being brewing royalty. Have you tried it yet?

Standing tall on the other side of the field was the green and aur squade of Golden Brau, winners of the 2003 Gold Medal from Bruxelles. Clearly no slouch, this team is owned by bitter rival Brau Union and can be found throughout most of Romania at grovery stores or street vendors.

Once the whistle blew, the game erupted into a shoving match between the two brands as each tried to muscle the ball away from their defensive zones. People in the stadium thrilled to a electrifying contest of competitors with completely different styles battling it out for the adoration of the crowd. Early in the event, Stejar punched in a fiercesome fireball of deliciously sourmash characteristics of its bite. GOAL!

Romanians from the northern regions of Transylvania roared with delight upon first-strike against their southern foes… dancing for joy in a rainbow of gold, black and red. Granted, it didn’t take long for distinctly crisp flavor of Golden Brau to counterpunch with it’s own (and opposite) malti yumminess and deliver a return volley right between the goalposts. GOAL!

All tied up with nowhere to go, the teams headed back into the locker-room for a pep talk from the coaches while the enthralled onlookers took a pit-stop for kebabs and sarmale. An announcer came on the public address system during halftime to inform the crowds about the recent incident of an unidentified person talking smack about Ciuc. She also shared the tipsy details of the triple-header scheduled for Sambata night. Those assembled for the game next turned their gaze upon the jumbotron for a special humorous halftime film entitled Call Center (presented by Cheezy Cheeky) which, in the vein of Office Space, tells the truth about life in a particular work environment.

It took a while for the laughter to subside (euphemism for occassional fits of snickering), but eventually the second half got underway. Apparently, something definitely happened in the locker-room for Stejar during the break, because the team came out on fire with a new price-point strategy of only 1,6 RON that earned them another ball in the net. GOAL!

Cheerleaders on the other side of the BraşoDome were toiling away to work up enthusiasm among the gold and emerald faithful in order to provide a pivotal morale booster to the bottles of Golden Brau. As if the fans were divining the ball through telekinesis, Golden Brau passed the ball around fancier than the Harlem Globetrotters. When they went for the killshot based on the power of flavor, it appears that Stejar had a Stadium Saint looking out for them because the ball went wide after it reverberated off an errant elbow, sending that player out of the game with an injury.

The Brau Union managers were absolutely livid and began harassing the referrees, but it was clear that while the dynamic duo had radically different skill sets the guys from Golden Brau just weren’t able to deliver a second time at this point. Frustration began to set in and once Stejar had the ball again, the roughhousing rekindled in earnest. Stejar hadn’t done too much with the ball when they caused a turnover that allowed Golden Brau a high kick down the center of the field setting up what should have been a perfect killshot, but that pungent flavor worked a little defensive magic and a defensive back slipped in between a pass play and nicked the ball, dribbling up field like someone had slipped a little tabasco into his jockstrap. From out of nowhere, a Golden Brau halfback enacted the peak of aggression with an ill-advised attempt to slidetackle that sent the Stejar player somersaulting through time and space before landing on earth again, losing his cap and enduring a concussion.

Seeing that this was not a mere accident but actually a malicious foul on the part of Golden Brau’s frustrated team, Spammy confiscated the illegal bottle cap remover from the field and issued a yellow card to the offending assailant.

Although time was running out, the Stejar team felt a little revenge was in order but felt compelled to keep their collective noses clean. They decided to use their superior alcohol talent to immediately punish Golden Brau and deliver a message. The boys in green were utterly dejected as they saw (in slow-motion, no doubt) the ball go sailing into the net. GOAL!

At the point, the Stejar fans were stomping their feet and making helicopters with their shirts in celebration. On the other side, the entire situation was completely falling apart as devotees headed for the exits. But before the cars had even left the parking lots, Stejar followed its same tactic of 7% alcohol dominance to sling another nugget in the pot for a back-to-back score, so far unseen in the tournament. GOAL!

Let’s just agree that after this match, the scene was a little… dizzying.

Final score: Golden Brau 1 - Stejar 4

This entry was posted on Sunday, June 18th, 2006 at 2:00 am and is filed under Mondial Bere '06. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.