This is the final call to sponsor Campionatul Mondial de Bere – Romania 2006. Please check the proposed beer groupings for the upcoming contests. If your favorite beer has an asterisk, that means it is in danger of not being included. Imagine the horror of thousands upon thousands of people reading about some other beer, instead of yours. Surely, you can see the gravity.

Beer Groups will play their matches during the hot month of June, with winners advancing to the final playoffs in a bracket series battled out during the sweltering month of July.

How to Sponsor a Team

• Blow a couple euro. Pocket change, y’all.
• Some of the beers are not here in Brasov, so send me one. At the very least, 2 bottles of the missing beer.
• 3 or 4 bottles if you expect your beer might make it into the Mondial Bere playoff tournament.
• 6, if you think the beer can go all the way to the championship round.
• Definitely only one bottle, if you’re sending skunk beer to make the referree hurl.
• Courier, Poşta Romana, Okazii, Microbus, Train.
• Contact the Sponsorship Director today!

Why You Want To

• Internet blogging community. Hello?! ‘Nuff said.
• You’ll get a swell thank you email from me. Awww.
• Romerican will advertise your site (company, blog, charity) to tens of thousands of people. Ding, ding, ding!
• If desired, I’ll autograph your bottle and send it back. Oooo, teh h0tness!
• 72 virgins. Yiff.
• New: If you’re a regular reader, I’ll trade you some beer from around here that you can’t get in your town.  Gulp.

When It’s Too Late

• Your irrevocable, pinkyswear confirmation must be on our desk by the morning of Monday, 5 Jun 2006. That is the day we are set to release the official, final schedule for all beer groups.
• We’ll do our best to accommodate the slowness of your donkey cart, but the team really must arrive no later than 12 June 2006 or they will be automatically disqualified from the competition and be forced to hang out with sweaty fans instead.

Where

• Once the final beer groupings have been set, the calendar for the June games will be published. Currently, the organizing committee is pretty darn sure that most of the duels will go mano-a-mano in a Braşov venue. However, venues will confirmed on a rolling weekly basis in order to accommodate any changes in location.
• Meanwhile, the final calendar for the July playoffs will be released later in the month of June. Current speculation between oddsmakers at various pubs indicate there may very well be events in Alba Iulia, Braşov, Bucureşti, Cluj, Targu Mureş and/or Oriunde.

Don’t delay! You won’t get another chance for an entire year.

Update: 1 Jun

Once you’ve been online for more than a month or two, you start to get enough experience to realize that Internet Explorer isn’t exactly the best web browser around. Microsoft just counts on you to be lazy and ignorant. The ‘blue E thing’ is sitting on your desktop, why bother changing to something else? Not surprisingly, if you spend all your time reading about the latest celebrity pregnancy or how angels visit Earth on UFOs, then you probably fall into Windows target audience who has never heard of critically acclaimed browsers such as Opera and FireFox which can make your online experience one heck of a lot better.

With your broadband connection, it’ll take you one or possibly two minutes to download a different browser. Add in 30 seconds for installation time. Or is that too much work for ya, leneş?

Let’s talk about FireFox. I like the vast amount of extensions available to customize the browser in thousands of ways, including making it comfortable for your blogging time. You have a comfortable chair. Maybe something to drink. Probably heating and air conditioning. Now, it’s time to adapt your computer, mmmkay? Comfort and productivity are the order of the day.

In the menu for Firefox, select Tools | Extensions. It will open a small window with a list of your current extensions. Kinda empty, nu? Click on the link for “Get More Extensions” for huge compendium of available tools and tidbits. Poke around as much as you like, there’s a zillion things to choose from. Ain’t it grand?

Start with SessionSaver. This puppy can be a lifesaver should anything ever go wrong with your computer while you’re online. It’s known far and wide that many Windows machines freeze up and/or crash for reasons most folks can’t figure out. It’s maddening. SessionSaver is perfect for just such emergencies. It keeps track of everything you were last doing, so it can be instantly restored. Once you’ve got your browser back up and running, you’ll find all the tabs reopen the sites you were just reading earlier. If you were typing a comment on this very blog when the power suddenly goes out, SessionSaver will remember everything you typed and you don’t have to start over. You literally pick up where you left off. Snazzy, huh?

Now that we’ve protected against the worst possibility, let’s do something about all these darn blogs we’re reading. How many do you keep track of? 5 sites? Thirty? Most people would make a big list of bookmarks and then go check each site daily. What are we, cavemen? Get with times, y’all. It’d be much easier if we didn’t have to mess with bookmarks at all and we could magically know if the blogs posted anything new or not. Save us a bunch of time, wouldn’t it? Yup.

Download Sage to clean up your mess. It’s a thing of beauty. Once installed, simply visit all your blogs one last time. Within Sage, click the magnifying glass to search for RSS and Atom feeds. Huh? Okay, just think of it like radio. Sage is going to pick up the broadcast signal of each blog. Add that signal (the feed) to Sage and you’ll know whether or not your favorite authors have published anything new.

When your blogs are added to Sage, you get this spiffy presentation of all the feeds you are subscribing to. See that purple-blue icon that looks like a piece of paper surrounded by circular arrows? Click it. That’s the ‘Refresh’ button that checks all your blogs at once to see if there’s been any new content you haven’t already read. Anything new it finds will appear in bold. If you’ve already read it, then nothing changes. E mai simplu, nu? Word.

I decided to set go into that options menu you see there and, under settings, disable the automatic display of feeds in the browser.  This way, no new pages load until I specifically say so.  Also, I set up the optional little green-leaf button that opens and closes Sage. Now, that‘s lazy!

But then you’ve got all your other bookmarks, too. News articles, gambling websites, yiff forums, and religious book catalogs. Well, campers, that’s what the next icon is for. See the little humanoid on the toolbar (above)? I added that for the free Simpy service, which is a miracle-on-wheels when it comes to bookmark management. There’s a sweet little Simpy extension for FireFox written by the infamous Andu, über-elite Romanian hacker from the Debussey Seduction Syndicate. There’s even two online videos showing how to configure and use Simpy with the extension, for all you visual learners.

Basically, it works like this. Sign up for your free Simpy account. Install the Simpy extension. Now, go to whatever web page captivates your very soul and right-click. A contextual menu will come up and you will see the choice for “Add to Simpy.” Ding, ding! That’s the one we want, kids. Click it.

You are immediately whisked away to the magic land of Simpy. It will ask you to tag the bookmark with some keywords. Why? Because the olden days of nicely categorized bookmarks worked great back in 1994 when I first got online and saw all 50 of the internet’s websites. But we’re in 2006, people. There’s a gajillion places lurking around the seedy underbelly of humanity and most of us have 9,834 bookmarks at any given time. Giving them little keyword tags helps us later find the bookmarks we want. So, put in a few keywords. Click the “Add” button and you will be returned to the page you were originally reading.

Fastfoward. It’s 3 weeks later and you can’t remember where in the world all those websites are. You know, the ones you used in your latest essay. The one ready for publication, except you forgot to cite your sources. Whatcha gonna do now?

Well, that’s why we put the Simpy humanoid in our little toolbar a couple few paragraphs ago. When you click it, you get to see a giant pile of bookmarks. Only, they’re tagged and searchable, which makes finding stuff really simple. For an example, you can play with my boring stack I just started collecting.

Golly gee wilikers, Mr. Romerican, sir. What else can I do with this browser?

Say, I know, how about something incredibly geeky?! That would be nerdtastic!

Okay, you’ve been curious about that Earthlike globe icon. Well, I installed another extension called User Agent Switcher. It’s a clever git that lets your browser to cross-dress. Anytime you have some reason to fool a web server into thinking you are using a different browser other than FireFox, then you can change the way it introduces itself. Suddenly, websites think you’re using Internet Explorer, but you’re really not. Tee hee!

But, O Ye of Little Faith, the cool part is actually adding your own custom information. Like pretending you own an Apple laptop, by changing the User Agent settings. You can visit your buddy’s blog and tell him to check the web stats if he doesn’t believe you own such an expensive and glorious device. Sure enough, when he checks the log files, he can see you’re accessing his website with a Mac. Jokes on him, eh? Har har har. How about pretending to be on a mobile phone, so you can access WAP content? Mmmm. The geekery knows no bounds. Of course, you can do like I did and create your own fake web browser that doesn’t exist at all. If I read your blog, you’ll probably see my “browser” in your statistical charts. Ha!

Alright, let’s get back on track, shall we? No one likes to browse billions of blogs without some tuneskis, right? I mean except for you prarie dogs. There’s little more annoying than trying to read some website and needing to change the mp3 playing on your computer because you have to ALT+TAB switch over to your music player, change the song, and then ALT+TAB switch back to your story where you’ve now lost track of where you were. Bloody PITA.

But FoxyTunes will solve that for ya. Yessireebob, step right up and witness the latest miracle in socially-responsible internet home appliance technology convergence utopia. Once you install this extension in FireFox, all your music controls will simply appear in the browser itself. Check out the nifty little buttons in my lower right hand corner of the browser, seen here next to the Windows system clock.

It’s compatible with a wide variety of music playing software. If you’re like me, you fell head-over-heels in love with iTunes a long time ago and wouldn’t consider going backwards to a lesser player. However, if you happen to be someone who didn’t get the memo that WinAmp was cool last century, then don’t worry: it’ll work with The Lllama. Of course, if you’re truly hopeless and use shabby software like the decrepit Windows Media Player or evil RealPlayer, then you’re still covered — but you need a reality check.

Now all you have to do is decide whether you want to listen to Sarmalele Reci, B.U.G. Mafia, or that preposterous trainwreck from the musty bilge of Eurovision (a silly event which attempts to plague us all).

(Vasile, click aici pentru poze mare.)

Last weekend, I blew it.

Last weekend, I blew it. Mamaliga Girl had very kindly let me know about the upcoming Zdob şi Zdub concert earlier. In fact, I guess it was a couple months ago when she told me about it and, back then, I’d been planning on going for sure. Turns out they were scheduled to play at the ever beautiful Piaţa Sfatului during a beer festival. Who in their right mind would miss that?

Last weekend, I blew it. During what should have been some pre-tournament friendlies, I was armed with a camera, wandering around the Saturn cartier of Braşov which is one of the least desirable neighborhoods. No festival. No music. No beer. Just broken Dacias, racist graffiti, and suspicious residents. A camera? Here? We’d better investigate. Someone follow him around for a while, staying back a safe distance. In fact, maybe those guys over there want to rush up aggressively and find out just what exactly this foreigner is doing around here taking photos. Does he know Steaua? Is he making a movie? Maybe there’s a way to quickly pilfer something out of that camera bag. Is that a Nikon? Is he American? Maybe he’s lost, because there’s nothing around here to take pictures of.

Last weekend, I blew it. At the end of my afternoon journey, I was accosted by some streetworkers. I took control of my paranoia 5 seconds later and was able to see they were actually an incredibly nice family working hard at performing custodial services for the municipality of Braşov. You know, cleaning up the mess you make by littering every day like a spoilt child. Working class, blue collar, salt of the earth, meat and potatoes, the great unwashed masses. From the broad faced grins and excited rabble, I got the impression they wanted me to take a photograph of them together. Click.

Last weekend, I blew it. Having secured the image, they began to ask me — all three of them at once — how would they get to see the photograph. Funny, it only occurs to me as I write these details down that I could have shown them the photograph on the ample LCD of my dSLR. Instead, I offered to send it to them online. “Aveţi email?” Da, clar, of course they did. The group of us fumbled through our collective pockets until someone produced a pen and someone else found paper. The son busily wrote down his email address.

“Oooooh. Aveţi adresa de email pe internet?” “Nu. Nu am.”

Last weekend, I blew it. I reluctantly took his phone number already knowing that the chances I would call were slim to none. They asked if I would call. So excited at the prospects of getting a photograph. Unsure of how it works. Proud of themselves for being together as a family unit. They pressed; would I call? I looked the father dead in the eye and lied.

Last weekend, I blew it. They smiled broadly. What an amazing day! The sun was shining. They’ve got a regular paying job. They get to be together outdoors. They randomly bump into an American. He doesn’t treat them like garbage. No, he’s friendly and takes their photograph when asked. And he’s going to call them, so they can get the photo.

Last weekend, I blew it. I pretty much knew I wouldn’t call them. I didn’t want to actually use a telephone to dial them up because then they would have my number on the mobile Caller ID. And, of course, that would mean they would call and pester me. Sure, they’d probably ask for money or try to find out where I lived. They were gypsies afterall. And I fell for that racism in an instant. It’s pervasive in Romania and I allowed it to infect me. I openly apologize to the Mariaş family.

Last weekend, I blew it. I couldn’t think of how to explain to these folks that there was no film and there would be no prints. I assumed they wouldn’t be able to understand. I took the number, promised to call, and escaped. Escaped the embarrassing entanglement. Less than 5 minutes later I was safely in my apartment. The guilt began to set in as I worried about how to handle the situation. Clearly, I would have to call them. I promised. You should have seen the happiness on their faces. Eyes alive with excitement at being treated like the very normal human beings they were. If I did call, how would I explain to them about digital cameras and file downloading? Impossible.

Last weekend, I blew it. I meant to write a post, so I could share with you my rationale about why I wasn’t going to call them and how it was all very understandable. Most likely, you would have nodded in agreement. They’re just Roma. No one important. Streetworkers. Uneducated. You probably wouldn’t have even said a word to them, ignoring the reality of their existence. You certainly would have never stopped and had a chat. Take their photo? What for? You know I’m right about your reaction. But, I didn’t post about it. I didn’t tell you what happened.

Last week, I blew it. I never called. I just thought about it. Obsessed over it. It didn’t really matter in the scheme of life, yet it was so very much not my way of doing things. I could call them from a payphone, but what was my problem? Did I really feel like the natives around me, so disgusted by this minority? Paranoid they would try to “do something?” Was I afraid? Of what? How bizarre and very un-Romerican all this behavior was.

This weekend, I fixed it. I had been walking around Braşov snapping photos with Lemonmouse, when I was almost home again and I saw them. Working again on another Saturday. But they hadn’t seen us. I could walk around a building, taking a different route, and just avoid them. I had failed to call them the way I promised. Then, in an instant, the sordid ugliness was over. I came back to myself.

This weekend, I fixed it. I pivoted on one foot, changed course, and strode confidently in their direction. I waved at them and they didn’t recognize me. Even assumed I was waving to someone else. As I got closer, I waved again and the father looked at me, puzzled. I made a bit of sign language about taking a photograph. Hold an air camera up to my eye and clicking the air button. The light of recognition lit up his face. What a happy guy!

This weekend, I fixed it. He tapped his wife and told her who I was. She erupted into a huge grin. I asked Lemonmouse to translate everything I had to say. I apologized for not calling them. I told them the camera was an electronic one, so there would be no print on paper. I told them they could go online to a website and pick up the photograph. Even print it out for themselves, if they wanted to. And, for the most part, they understood. They were curious about how much it would cost them at an internet cafe, but they thought it would be worth the small charge to do it. Probably have their son do it.

This weekend, I fixed it. They shook my hand vigorously and thanked me several times. In a world where they are normally discarded as worthless by the people living around them, today they felt… human. Do not misinterpret any of this. There’s no redemption here. No heroism. I failed myself last week, but I managed to correct it. I suppose I could have talked to a psychologist about this incident. Instead, you get to read this as a sort of virtual confession. As it would be out of character for me to do something like this again, you shouldn’t expect more of the same. Just part of the cleansing process and I hope you, anonymous and unspecific you, understand.

This weekend, I fixed it.

With a nod to the exemplary life of Daniel Gontz.

Earlier I introduced my American friends to the talented hip-hop artists B.U.G Mafia which I believe it the most accessible, most marketable band in Romania (even if the record companies aren’t quite bright enough to capitalize on it). Indeed, the review I posted on this very blog has been seeing a lot of search engine traffic from folks living all over Europe who are looking to learn more about baiatii nostri.

And yet, they aren’t the best music group Romania has produced.

Nossir. I am here to tell y’all that greatest band from Romania is, without a doubt, Sarmalele Reci. Say it with me now, “Tsar maul a wretch.” Not bad. One more time: “tsar-maul-a wretch.” That’s it, you’ve got it! (Okay, technically, it sounds perfect when you make the “T” silent in the word tsar, but you no one’s gonna critize you for being 99% correct.)

Sarmale is a traditional Romanian dish. Basically, it’s rice, pork, and spice rolled into cabbage leaves and baked. We can haggle over recipe details another day.

Sarmalele is the articulated plural form of sarmale, yet they are pronounced the same way. Reci is the word for cold, when speaking about inanimate objects. The band’s name translates as “the cold sarmale (plural)” which, of course, no one would want since sarmalele should be hot. E deştept, nu? I bet you feel sorry for the poor castaways.

You realize it must have been quite a shock for the doctors in the delivery room when they saw the guys from Sarmalele Reci were born with instruments already in their hands. Like the bards of yore, they’re able to craft catchy songs borrowing from a multitude of genres and using a variety of musical tools. At one moment, they’re playing punk rock with acoustic mandolins. Maybe they’ve got you rocking to the beat of a politically charged anthem. The next time, they’re blowing horns in a hot sweat of pure funk laced with electronica. You might hear them softly crooning a wistful memory of the past glory of a former love. After that, they’ll probably move on to the blues with a successful solo of electric guitar licks. Or it could be an accordian whisking you through a pop song splashed out over traditional Romanian melodies. Then again, it just might be a twist of manele. Barbershop acapella, anyone?

The band has seen a few changes in the line-up since it first organized in 1993, welcoming in new musician talents and fresh perspective. At the core are the lead singer and guitarist, both of whom have been present on every release produced by Sarmalele Reci. Most of the songs diligently circumvent the hollow ring of most pop music choosing instead to focus on humorous interpersonal situations, biting social commentary, or lucent political observations. As always, the tight execution demonstrates the musicians clearly study the sounds and styles they’re tackling.

“Okay, enough is enough!” I know. You want to hear it for yourself, right?

Alright, cap’n. Here’s a handful of tunes (of varying bit rates) to start you on your journey.

Sarmalele Reci – Nu Ma Atinge – A classic song that’ll get your toes tapping.

Sarmalele Reci – Rapirea Din Serai – Frankly, I don’t know how popular this song is, but I do know it shows off their skill in delivering a unique sound you won’t hear anywhere else.

Sarmalele Reci – Telefonul Nu Mai Suna – Watch out or you’ll shed a tear over this one.

Sarmalele Reci – Gaşca De La Bloc – Bittersweet reflection on modern Romanian diaspora.

Honestly, it was really difficult to restrict myself to just a few choices when there are literally dozens of aural gems. Perhaps you’ll be intrigued enough to explore on your own. There’s quite a variety of sounds for you to discover. If I had to pigeonhole them, I would probably find some meta-correlations to acts like The Smiths and INXS.

Of course, you can’t really say you enjoy Sarmalele Reci until you’ve been at a party where a few notes from a single song can cause everyone present to stop what they’re doing and start singing together. Most everyone around is moving a bit to the beat or even outright dancing. Towards the end of the song, all pretense of civility is dropped as you and all your friends are completely carried away in the moment, gathering together (be it a hora circle or in a line-dance fashion) as the music slowly builds into a smashing crescendo driving your feet into a cossack frenzy!

Sarmalele Reci – Şpriţ de Vara – I dare you to crank it up and see if you can sit still. It’s a masterpiece.

One last tidbit. Sarmalele Reci is currently offering their latest song for free download. It’s a very fun, manelesque piece of political sarcasm running the gamut from Funar to Bin Laden.

I know the big question on your mind is: “Will the talented gentlemen grace us this summer to provide a live Sarmalele Reci performance during the finals of Mondial Bere?” Nu ştiu exact, dar vedem. Vedem.