If you have been starting to think Romania is possibly a little different than America, I might whisper in your ear that you could be right. As we continue our carefully controlled scientific experiments in pursuit of truth, let us examine the disparities between our commonality. Following me?

Mmmm… American pizza. It would be heresy to suggest a better pizza could be found any place in the world. The United States got lucky by welcoming immigrants who brought a wealth of cuisines and dabbled in the alchemy of cross-culture mashups. While a plurality of the results may have been bland disasters, a significant portion were products of genius. American pizza is most definitely one of the latter.

Aşa… Romanian pizza. Can you believe it? Yes, they eat pizza in Romania, too. It’s quite different because it very closely resembles the traditional Italian-style pizza. While a full examination of the differences warrants an entirely separate post to catalogue in detail, suffice to say that Romanian pizza is smaller in circumference, has a bland and thin crust, is topped with very little cheese, and sometimes does not include tomato sauce. It may sound terrible, at first blush, yet I can assure you that it’s “quite okay.”

The point of this particular exercise is to briefly note the use of condiments on pizza.

The typical American pizza order does not normally include any kind of extraneous sauce or dips. In fact, for eons, they weren’t even offered. Only recently have American pizza companies been searching for additional profit sources and thus begun offering things like ranch sauce, garlic butter, or marinara. Most people, most of the time, just eat the pizza. Afterall, it’s fantastic!

However, our Romanian friends handle this delicate affair in a radically different manner.

The rumors are true. A digustingly common practice across Europe is to smother one’s pizza in ketchup. And I don’t mean they dip lightly, either. No, sir. I’m not sure if it is the sublimely plain crust or the lack of marinara or derth of cheese-like substances, but the reaction is incredibly violent.

Europeans scramble over one another to seize the nearest bottle of ketchup, literally fighting (oh, yes, even the French… in fact, especially the French) with one another at the table if only one bottle is available per 3 or more people, while instantaneously flinging open the cap so they can flip it upside down (free flying particles be damned!) and squeeze with both hands using the same force and pressure an otherwise normal person might apply to shatter gold bars into dust.

Einstein would be deeply impressed by studying the firehose-like physics involved emptying a the contents of ketchup bottle through a pencil sized hole in under 3 seconds flat without shattering the plastic. On the other hand, if he witnessed this utterly disturbing travesty, he might need Freud to help him get rid of the nightmares.

Now, for those of you who are not familiar with geography, Romania is a country in Europe. By extension, one might logically think it was possible that Romanians, therefore, enjoy ketchup on their pizza. Ding, ding, ding! Give that man a prize!

Fortunately, I can assure you that Romanians are still much closer to their Italian cousins in this respect. While some parts of Europe abuse ketchup to the point of need a bowl for their pizza soup, Romanians are much more judicious. They simply slather copious amounts across the top of each slice much as one might apply Skippy to Wonder. You know… otherwise, the cheese might actually come into contact with air. Or your taste buds.

There are two common accomplices for this, Spring and Tomi. Both brands are popular enough to be found most anywhere in Romania, generally sold in 12 oz. plastic squeeze bottles. Staring at the grocery selection, you’ll find ketchup comes in more than one variety. No, green ketchup is not one of them. The primary choices are ketchup dulce and ketchup picant.

Ketchup dulce is considered the “normal” ketchup. Dulce is the word for “sweet” and allow me to assure you that it is, in fact, very sweet. I believe the scientists who formulated ketchup dulce were commissioned to determine the exact point of saturation where just one single more granule of sugar results in a crunchy texture. They left out that one kernel and thus retained fluidity. If you have not had a recent dental check-up, be advised that ketchup dulce will probably refortify your cavities.

And that is what the Romanians tend to drape generously across their pizza.

On the other hand, ketchup picant is considered the “other” ketchup because of the perception that it is hot. Picant is the word for “spicy” (or “picante” in Tex-Mex terms). Please understand that this is a wild misconception. Ketchup picant is not hot. Not even a little. Of course, the picture on the bottle looks scary. With it’s display of a hot pepper piercing the heart of a tomato, children are loathe to try tasting it and adults think twice before buying it.

But, tis a crock. Verily.

Sure, when you take a look at the incredients, you see “picant 1%” clearly indicated. That’s one percent, kids. And, you know what? It’s not a habenero. It’s not a Thai chile. It’s not a jalepeno. In reality, they use a close cousin of the bell pepper. At one percent, you cannot even taste it.

What, then, is the difference? Sugar.

Roughly speaking, ketchup picant has around half the sugar of ketchup dulce. That makes ketchup picant close to the American-style ketchup, which is entirely too sweet in its own right.

American ketchup has so much corn syrup in it that producers actually list this ingredient as being two separate types of corn syrup just so it doesn’t appear to be the dominant ingredient. Yet, the typical tablespoon of ketchup has a tablespoon of sugar in it (technically, the high fructose corn syrup plus regular corn syrup). That leaves precious little room for tomatoes.

So, why is Romanian ketchup sweeter than American ketchup? Primarily because Romanian ketchup includes far less salt, garlic, and vinegar than the American brands. Without all this tartness, the sugar is much easier to taste. It’s basically just tomato paste and sugar, with a pinch of other stuff. And yet, the total caloric value of the sugar is less. Plus they use actual sugar, not the corn syrup madness.

If you’re eating pizza at a restaurant in Romania, you’ll probably be stuck with ketchup dulce as that is most popular. Oh, and should you encounter “ketchup pizza” or “sos pizza” in your travels, then you might want to be forewarned that it is a ketchup-like substance with a few herbs, but severely watered down.

However, if you are staying long enough (say, a week or more) to rent an apartment and shop for food, then I suggest you pick up the ketchup picant instead. It’s closer to what you are used to tasting.

Fun fact: Tomi is owned by Orkla Foods, a Norwegian company which snaps up little food companies across Europe. The local corporate arm, Orkla Foods Romania, is run by CEO Aliz Kosza. In addition to Tomi, they own several additional Romanian brands — Weissana, Bunatati de la Bunica, Frühstück, La Minut, Ardealul, and, most recently, Royal Brinkers.

And then, there is the alternative to putting ketchup on your pizza: sos usturoi.

Sos is the Romanian word for “sauce” and you pronounce the two almost identically. Usturoi (OO-store-roy) is the word for “garlic.” Boy howdy, sos usturoi is no joke. It is a seriously powerful gastronomic wonder. Essentially, it consists of mayonnaise plus garlic juice plus garlic extract plus garlic clumps plus garlic bits. It may even have garlic power, as well.

Clearly, sos usturoi is not painted on one’s pizza. That would probably cause your mouth to light on fire. Or give you pungent breath for days on end. Instead, you gingerly (pun intended) dip the edge of your pizza into the sauce and merrily eat away.

Again, if you are in Romania long enough to do some shopping, you will find sos usturoi for sale in most markets. Although, I’ve only seen it offered from the Spring brand. And, strangely, their label says “Pastă Usturoi” instead of sos usteroi.

Of course, if you correctly believe that mayo is a foul business which ought not have ever been invented, then you are likely to join me in the camp of folks who rarely-if-ever eat sos usturoi. Just in case, you should always check how the sos usturoi is prepared, because there are a few places which use little-to-no mayo in their recipe. While I’ve yet to figure out what else is in there, I do know it is wonderful. And sharp.

Before parting, I should mention that if you end up finding yourself hungry while waiting around the Bucureşti train station, then don’t be a loser: walk right past that silly McDonald’s where fearful Americans hide for comfort. Instead, go next door where you can replenish yourself at SpringTime, a nice little traveler-style restaurant wholly-owned by Spring which serves healthy food and fast food. It has both indoor seating for those wanting to relax a while as well as an outside walk-up window for those in a hurry. There, you should be able to sample the usturoi or ketchup sos while enjoying a decent meal with rapid service.

Those crazy kids from the geek conventions have whipped up some home-cookin’ for y’all. Mmmm, savor the flavor of Anonym.OS. It’s a special Live CD which you can use at home, at work, or on the road. Download a copy today and burn yourself a CD.

What? You don’t understand?

After you burn it, pop the CD into your cd-drive and reboot your machine. When your computer boots off the CD, you’ll be asked a couple basic questions. If you aren’t sure of the answers, just choose the default settings. After a minute, you’ll arrive at a slightly different, but familiar-looking desktop from which you can access the internet (among other things).

Don’t worry, on the surface the whole thing is fairly similar to Windows (or Mac or Linux or any of the windows-based GUIs with happy little icons to click on). Except, instead of Microsoft’s legendary insecurity, this CD is unbelievably more secure because it is built on OpenBSD which you probably never heard of and certainly never used. Don’t let it rattle your cage. Vanilla and chocolate may be different, but they both make good ice cream.

Download Anonym.OS and burn it today. Keep it for a rainy day.

Huh? You still don’t get it?

Oh, okay, but I’ll make it quick, so I can get back to eating my chicken sandwich from the local McDonalds.

Look, privacy and online safety are not all about being involved in black research on political enemies or fear of Scientology lawsuits. There are pratical situations where this kind of CD becomes useful on the road.

Perhaps you are staying in a hostel, where there is 1 computer that everyone has to share, and it’s late at night. Okay, realistically, people staying at hostels tend to be up all night drinking with a homogenous group of Anglo cohabitators, instead of braving the surrounding landscape to meet local people. So, let’s pretend it’s early morning and all the kids are passed out, which means you have a few moments to use the computer yourself. But the issue at hand is you’ve got some kind of sensitive health situation which is not the business of these friendly strangers in your hostel.

Let us join the story already in progress:

Susie is having a great time seeing the sights of Sibiu, but she’s got a small problem. Embarrassing and uncomfortable, all this walking around has caused a yeast infection to flare up and she needs to deal with it (now!). Problem is Susie doesn’t speak Romaneşte very well, doesn’t want to discuss this private medical issue with the hostel, and believes it is silly to see a doctor over something relatively simple. She wants to solve the problem herself by jumping on the web, finding the necessary details about remedies, and then translate a few key words from English into Romaneşte.

But Susie knows that Windows keeps a history of all the websites you visit, documents you open, and many other of your actions. It’s not a secret. Most of the time, it can be quite helpful to locate some website you visited hours ago or that photo you opened yesterday. However, in this situation, she’s not interested in leaving a trail for the bored slackers in her hostel to giggle over.

Susie pops in the CD and tells the computer to reboot. As the computer starts up from the CD, instead of Windows, Susie answers a few setup questions (mostly choosing the default answers) and she’s all-but-instantly online. She can find all the information she needs, while retaining her privacy. She can even securely login to GMail and send Mom a humorous note about the craziness going on. When finished, she tells the computer to reboot and removes the CD. The hostel computer loads up Windows and no one knows she was ever there.

Maybe it’s just that you’re not too keen on identity theft. Or, more directly, it is possible you want to prevent your credit card numbers from being stolen.

Billy Bob has been working on assignment in Timişoara for a couple weeks, as a missionary for the church or as an attache for a government program or as a sales consultant for an international corporation. Or was he working for the very Corporate Church Government, itself? He can’t remember and it doesn’t matter.

While in town, Billy Bob needs to access his US bank account every now and then as well as purchase a birthday gift for his favorite niece. But from a public internet cafe? The young, underpaid hacker running the dimly-lit net cafe seemed a bit eager to help assign the American to a workstation.

Billy Bob pops in the CD, boots up the computer. He’s online and safely able to check his monthly statement and buy that special gift.

Or maybe you aren’t the typical traveller. It could be that you attract a little more attention than the backpacker type.

Dr. X is set to give a guest lecture at a major international conference, hosted by Universitatea Babes-Boylai, on the benefits of EU Space Agency’s efforts to colonize the moon. Major researchers from around Europe are staying at the same fancy hotel because it includes broadband internet access.

Our intrepid professor can use his laptop, but he knows that hotels often have the ability to monitor communications coming in and out of the facility, as part of normal company policy to fight terrorism. Understandably, Dr. X doesn’t want the hotel staff to know about his deep involvement in the seedy underbelly of the furry subculture of the cosplay universe. If word got out, the resulting protests might undermine his important presentation (and, let’s not deny it, his book sales).

Dr. X pops in the CD, boots up his laptop. Within mere moments, he is frolicking online in the lifestyle which fuels his imagination, so he can forget the nervousness of tomorrow’s speech and get some quality Zzz’s.

That’s how easy it can be. Yiff!

Alright, the last scenario may be a little comical, but I bet you are starting to get the point. For a number of reasons, taking along a CD to protect yourself online can make the difference between playing it cool or being the laughing stock.

There are probably one hundred non-suspicious reasons for the average internet user to have a copy of Anonym.OS. Download a copy and burn it to CD. Keep it handy.

Sure, we could pretend you are that rare, brave kind of traveller who treks to less freedom-friendly destinations like China or Russia. Let’s imagine, you (and everyone) are being spied on, both constantly and en masse, by the local hostile government and you don’t want your independence compromised despite the big culture change…

I’ve not paid exact attention to how long this “new” behavior has been occurring, but it seems like just the last few months. When searching on Google, I notice that, lately, whatever domain is listed as the #1 search result tries to set a cookie on my browser. Right from within Google before I even visit the site!

It happens on Windows, OS X, and Fedora Core using FireFox. (I wouldn’t be caught dead using MSIE.) Of course, I deny these uninvited requests to put tracking cookies on my browser. Afterall, what do I gain by allowing these cookies? Nothing.

Can someone tell me why this happens? What is Google doing with their code to try and nail additional tracking cookies to my browser before I even visit a site? How long has this been happening?

Dissatisfied searcher would like to know. Anonymous and abusive replies accepted.

You might think a fellow could use a Jeep to get around in the middle of a Romanian winter, especially if you still believe in the old stories about Romanian road conditions even though it is no longer true (thanks, in part, to €240 million from ERBD).

As luck would have it, the Romanians thought about the same thing back in the 1950s… not too many years after the Soviets were impressed by the Jeeps they saw around Germany. Communist leadership in Romania saw an opportunity to produce vehicles for the Warsaw Pact, so they set up ARO (derived from “Auto Romania”).

In 1957, the first ARO 4×4s were created by hand, had only 50 horsepower, and featured manual windshield wipers.

By 1959, industrial managers had consolidated production facilities, improved worker efficiency, increased horsepower and introduced electrical windshield wipers.

By the 1960s, ARO was gaining an international reputation for strength and durability. Romania began exporting thousands of 4×4 vehicles to a larger number of countries, including non-Warsaw nations like China and Colombia.

Continuing to improve, ARO took the international competition circuit by storm, winning several major rally races and functionality challenges as early as 1970. In fact, in 1972, Ford Motor Company organized a significant test of durability from manufacturers worldwide where ARO beat Jeep, Ford, and Range Rover. (Just imagine the glee of party leaders in spanking the West.)

ARO slowly diversified into a select, few different models (varying in size, style and power configuration). Check out this ARO 243 (I believe circa 1980s), which was resting at the park down the street from me.

Of course, once the “revolution” happened in 1989, ARO began to partner with companies like Peugot, VW, Daewoo, Toyota and old-rival Ford who, by that time, had become more advanced and efficient in producing quality parts and engines. Export expanded to Canada, England, Australia, Italy, France, Greece, and Germany while ARO opened up new production facilities in Portugal and Spain (but were sold there under a different name, for marketing purposes). ARO continued to win international rally competitions such as the Pharaons Rally-Raid.

Different from the modern fru-fru posers like Escalade or RX 400h, ARO has thus far remained true to its original calling: building tough, inexpensive SUVs which are true 4×4 performers unburdened by the expensive complexity of electronic seat adjusters, butt warmers, or other unnecessary conveniences. They deliver affordable off-road vehicles that conquer terrain like champs, not overpriced urban fakes.

Marketing research and sales statistics apparently demonstrate that fancy looks aren’t always what sells a buyer. Some people actually want top performance for bottom dollar, which is a niche market you can profit in. Even still, prototypes from as far back as the 1980s show ARO designers are capable of interesting aesthetics, when called upon.

Take a look around; see if you can find that legendary toughness of ARO now for sale in the United States as the Cross Lander 244X (assembled by their private-label partner in Brazil).