Meanwhile, back in the States… there is an anti-intellectual cretin bordering on criminally insane, by the name of John Gibson, who has been fanning the flames of ignorance and facism by claiming (in yet another book marketed during what should obstensibly be interpreted as a Faux News broadcast) that “Christmas is under attack.” (Yes, he literally has the audacity to compare a meaningless social trend toward inclusivity as being tantamount to actual physical violence on a grandiose scale such as the September 11th attack on the World Trade Center or the actions by the Nazi regime during World War II.)

This dolt literally believes that the Christmas holiday had something to do with Jesus, although educated people across the Western world already know that Christmas is the modern variation of Saturnalia and was co-opted by the then-obscure cult of Christianity in its attempt to appear familiar to prospective converts.

This televangelist appears regularly on his broadcast pulpit to indoctrinate his well-meaning, unsophisiticated audience with lies about the holiday Anti-Christ. Apparently, Satan has been secretly influencing folks to say “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas” in recent decades. Supposedly, this is a direct benefit to conspiring non-Christians (i.e., evil Jews, devilish “Secularists” and untoward Muslims) and thereby undermines the (non-existant) link between Christ and Christmas.

You see, for most Americans, Christmas is more about holiday cheer, happy family moments, and a fat man in a red suit who brings presents to little kids. John Grinch Gibson believes in no such thing. He would like to confuse people into regurgitating falsehoods about the birth of Christ (which, incidentally, did not occur on nor near the Christmas holiday). Why? He’s a religious demagogue, of course.

There’s nothing offensive about saying “Happy Holidays!” By the same token, there’s no real reason to get offended by folks saying “Merry Christmas!’ either, since the connotation is obviously Santa for the majority and not Spanish Inquisition as some broadcasters foment. But there’s no need for TV personalities (please, let’s dispense with euphemisms like “journalist”) to get their feathers ruffled in pounding the podium for unity around any one particular winter holiday greeting (which is, of course, merely a thinly-veiled book advertisement which runs several times daily across multiple shopping shows on Fox).

Now that reason has been established and the Airing of Grievances is concluded, I would like to switch gears and wish you all a very Merry Festivus! The holiday for the rest of us!

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all…

…and a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted Gregorian calendar year 2006, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great, (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only “AMERICA” in the western hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform, or sexual preference of the wishee.

(By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.)

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